Posted: April 7th, 2008 | Author: Ben | Filed under: Uncategorized | 62 Comments »
Yes, it’s one of THOSE lists.
Edit – Ruby on Rails and ASP.NET aren’t languages: I did know that. Apologies – I added these last and didn’t update the post title. ‘Kermit isn’t really a celebrity’ – thank you to those who pointed out that HTML isn’t a programming language, but I thought the hint in the text indicated that. I’ve had a great response to this post, so thanks again to those who’ve taken the time to comment and pass it on.
Ruby on Rails
 Paris Hilton
Flavour of the moment and very simple. Able to turn her hand to many things, but the results won’t be anything groundbreaking.
|
 ASP.NET
Tom Cruise
Unpopular with some because of his social views, but completely unavoidable. A juggernaut of the industry and will always get the job done and make buckets of money for his backers. |
C
Al Pacino
He’s been around for a while now but is still the best at doing what he does: possibly the best performer in the industry. Has influenced more future stars than anybody else. |
Actionscript
Peter Jackson
Achieves some really nice visuals and will deliver the ‘wow’ factor like no other. Appears to have had an entire rebuild for his most recent release. |
PHP
Jennifer Lopez
Love her or not, she’s still favoured for her back-end capabilities. Most people are familiar with at least one of her projects. |
Coldfusion
Michael Jackson
Still has some fans left, but most have jumped ship. Was the super star of his day, but those days are long gone. Will probably try to make a comeback at some point, but nobody’s got high hopes. |
JavaScript
Ashton Kutcher
Often plays roles where he appears dumber than he really is. Has a reputation for ‘punking’, can offer a few nasty surprises when he decides to pop up. |
 Erlang
Eddie Murphy
Likes to play multiple roles at once, but nobody seems to know what to use him for. |
LISP
Quentin Tarantino
Has done some intelligent work in the past, but hasn’t been put to much good use recently. Probably not destined to kill Bill, but would like to reduce him to Atoms one day. |
 Java
Renee Zellweger
Has played roles requiring some bulk, but can just as easily shed that weight for other roles requiring something more lightweight. |
*Updated*
HTML
Kermit the Frog
Kermit isn’t really a celebrity. He’s completely flat when he hasn’t got somebody managing him through the back-end. He’s easy to understand and is accessible to all with the right script. |
Others
Of course I’d have liked to add Python, C++, Pascal and others but have just ran out of imagination. Please use comments to add more. |
I’m typically not a fan of lists, but this was fantastically entertaining. I, too, am sad that you couldn’t include more languages, but what you’ve got here is entertaining enough. I loved it.
PHP is more of a hillbilly girl than Jennifer Lopez.
Well Python would be Johnny Depp, I think.
Has been around for some time but got really prominent only in the recent past.
It’s the hype now and propably will still be the hype in a whole lot of more years.
Plays good together with other ones but is also an excellent choice to use alone.
Has big allround-capabilities and is loved by most, but hated by those that like it’s more direct competitors.
And of course it has a very good sense of humour.
its amazing how little people really know about Coldfusion.
your loss. clients dont care about PHP, ASP.net or any other programming language. they just want it to work.
just like the only people who will read this blog are people in the industry.
Hey crazysheep, thanks for your post! You’re right, clients won’t usually care about the technology. Although the occasions they will care tend to be when they have to shell out more money for a license to use said technology. Last year I went to a conference here in Sydney that was dressed up as a web conference but was really a chance for Adobe to strut a little. I can honestly say I wasn’t overly impressed by ColdFusion. Maybe it will have a little more cosmetic surgery and make a successful comeback. Maybe children will trust Michael Jackson again. You never know.
perl => Jim::Carey
Has many different roles and can do them in many different ways.
FORTRAN–John Wayne
Nobody’s done better the roles he did well–or so we remember.
C++ Marlon Brando
Sometimes meaty, frequently obscure, routinely difficult but always–just ask–righter and smarter than you’ll ever hope to be.
Visual Basic–Rachael Ray
A little of this, a dash of that, a dollop here,
a lump there–then have a donut.
C++ is Robert Deniro. Hasn’t been around quite as long as C but is still gangsta.
Sorry you feel so bad about all the coldfusion coders. We are still out here and have grown quite a bit. Come on MJ we are not cosmetic… we do have OOP and We can do all the clients need and plenty of clients in the know are moving to coldfusion not away from it.
Oh well why am I trying to convince you have your mind made up and don’t care about facts.
Nathan
This site post was a B+ to A- effort until the very last one. The Kermit the Frog analogy vaults this to A++++++ status!! FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!
I hate lists, but this was funny, especially the Kermit bit. Just wait for the Ruby critters to pounce you for the Paris comment.
Has many different roles and can do them in many different ways.
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haha thats even better than the boats
but i’d wish there would be more languages
PHP is more like Madonna: kind of old, but always under the lights.
Computer pundits need to write this on the chalkboard 100 times:
Ruby on Rails is not a programming langauge
Ruby on Rails is not a programming langauge
Ruby on Rails is not a programming langauge
Ruby on Rails is not a programming langauge…and so on
Ruby is a programming langauge, Rails is a framework. Same goes for ASP.NET and C#/VBScript, etc.
I guess (any) assembly language is like Cher. Really old, and will always be around no matter what you do.
Well, about Pascal , I can say it’s like Barney T. Dinosaur (if you don’t know who, Google it
):
It’s simple, friendly and at first has a great tune, but after two hours of it, you’re gonna get really really annoyed!
Hello, I think COBOL is like Jenna jameson….and FORTRAN is like George Bush.
Blog commenters need to write this on a chalkboard 100 times:
Humour on the internet is not meant to be taken seriously.
No offence guys, but sheesh… if this post claimed to be technically accurate, or was anything other than obvious humour, then maybe picking fault would make sense… but it wasn’t, and it doesn’t.
“Oh noes! somebody made an uncomplimentary joke about my favourite ” :p
I liked the boat comparison that i saw a few days ago. Go write something original.
Hahaha, nice
I have to admit I was a “fan” of Michael Jackson when I was a kid. I still use ColdFusion. And it is better than ever… unlike MJ 
I guess Perl is Jackie Chan.
So full of tricks, you don’t know how he manages to do most of his action scenes. He looks a bit clumsy at first, but it’s impressive how much he has already accomplished. Has worked with lots of celebrities, but his best works are still his solo projects.
It seems everyone commenting on PHP completely missed the metaphor about the “back-end.” Brilliant!
if php == 4
echo j.lo
if php == 5
echo kim kardashian
[...] carino, trovato grazie a downloadblog: Programming Languages and their Celebrity Equivalents. Azzeccati gli accostamenti RubyOnRails – Paris Hilton, C – Al Pacino e Java – Renee Zellweger. Tra [...]
Nathanthere, you said there some coldfusion programmer out there, and not few as someone can think… that’s exactly as MJ. MJ as so many fans out there, many more than someone can suppose. And he’s still the king in his camp… maybe as coldfusion.
Oh my good lord that was hilarious!!!
Very well written. You deserve a badge.
[...] Computer programming languages and their celebrity equivalents. I guess computer nerds will get this. I got some of it, which means I am only half-computer nerd. [...]
HAHA that was great. I love how you wrote this up.
Best article! I’ve put a link @ you on my website!
Best!
hahaha
23: That’s correct. Perl is indeed Jackie Chan. His next film should be about Perl and dubbed in Perl.
The reaction of the ColdFusion fans resembles a lot the reaction of the Michael Jackson fans
I started using coldfusion 9 years ago and have built many applications in CF. I can honestly say that I’m glad I’m evolving all of the projects into a new language.
Coldfusion is more like Sir Mix-A-Lot
[ Baby Got Back!]
Fortran is Steven Hawking – good at math and science but useless for anything else.
SQL is George Lucas – Really good behind the scenes but don’t let him make the show by himself.
[...] FabSugar wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptASP.NET. Tom Cruise Unpopular with some because of his social views, but completely unavoidable. A juggernaut of the industry and will always get the job done and make buckets of money for his backers. … [...]
Nice! But….
All Programming languages are like women.
- There’s far too many of them to master just one.
- It’s best to try them all to find the one that give the best results.
Hehehe.
BEAUTIFUL LADIES AND GOODLOOKING PEOPLE, ITS TO BAD THAT THEY ARE UNAWARE OF OUR PROBLEM, LIKE http://www.socyberty.com/Activism/First-Step-for-the-Solution-to-Global-Warming.103109 my introduction== http://www.inventube.com/ooojay/blog/ THIS WILL BRING EVERYONE UP TO DATE. IF PARIS HILTON IS SHOWN THIS AND UNDERSTANDS THIS, THEN SHE MAY BE ABLE TO SAVE HER HOTELS ON THE OCEAN. HAVE A NICE DAY. MIKE
I’M BEING INTERVIEWED BY OUR SOCIETIES FOR A BOOK FOR MY INTELLIGENCE, AS ACCORDING TO THEM I’M THE SECOND SMARTEST PERSON ON EARTH FOR US HUMANS. IF I WERE RICH, I WOULD BUY ALOT OF SHIPS AND LOAD THEM WITH HIGH POWERED REFRIGERATION UNITS AND SNOW BLOWERS. THEN I’D HIRE CREWS AND SEND THEM TO WHERE OUR GLACIERS ARE AND EACH SHIP WOULD BLAST THE GLACIERS WITH FROZEN AIR AND SALTWATER SNOW ON ALL SIDES OF THE GLACIERS 24 HOURS A DAY. MAYBE IT WOULD SLOW THE MELTING OF THE GLACIERS OR EVEN BETTER STOP THE MELTING OF THE GLACIERS. ALSO I WOULD START MY GLOBAL WARMING PROJECT BY HIRING ALL THE PEOPLE FROM EACH OF THE 12 NATIONS TRAIN THEM, EQUIPT THEM TO WORK THEIR OWN COUNTRY TO EXTRACT THE MINERAL NEEDED AND PLACE IT IN CERTAIN AREAS AROUND EARTH. SO THAT NATURE WILL RETURN TO NORMAL NATURALLY. ALL IT TAKES IS THE ONE THING I DONT HAVE, MONEY. I JUST HAVE THE BRAINS. I EMAILED THE E.P.A. AND SENT THEM A EXPERIMENT TO PROVE TO THEMSELVES AND CONGRESS THAT EXHAUST AND GASES DECIPATE BEFORE THEIR EYES. IT TAKES A GREATER ADVANCE INTELLIGENCE TO WEAKEN THE OUTER FORCEFIELD (OZONE) THAN WHAT WE HUMANS POSSESS. AS IS I’M ON MY COMPUTER TRYING TO EMAIL EVERYONE ON THE OCEANS ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT I’M ONLY A ONE FINGER TYPER. HAVE A NICE DAY. MIKE
Great comparisons …….. Thanks!
[...] J. Schmitz posted two comments on my last post, about celebrities and programming languages although his comments were more-or-less about how if Paris Hilton read his blog about global [...]
Hi! Love your list but please put in more languages!!!
KTHXBYE
Did someone forget bash scripting? (as an entity to create something in between programs and monsters).
I guess it will be “Richard Dean Anderson” (from McGyver and Stargate). He’s an actor used to do the same thing a lot of times, perhaps now his name is not as popular as in the past, but his series are still there. He made episodes about everything, and sometimes even he introduces deliberately in his characters his personal preferences (hockey, simpsons,…).
HTML is not a programming language. It’s markup.
Si los lenguajes de programación fueran personas famosas [Eng] + [Traducción de algunas]…
Otra de esas listas que comparan lenguajes de programación con las cosas más inimaginables. Esta vez "Si los lenguajes de programación fueran famosos". Traducción de algunas en "mundogeek.net/archivos/2008/04/08/si-los-lenguajes-de-p…
ONE HECK OF A LIST!
1,000,000 stars to you! hehhe
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I just love Jennifer Lopez. Love her back-end. Love PHP.
I gues that what she has in common with PHP is that she is loved by everybody. And popular.
Visual basic – Britney Spears
She was very famous in the past, now is falling in disgrace and her career seems closed.
When she came out she seemed easy to understand and innovative but now almost anyone can do it better.
One time she tried a different career but she’s still mediocre in what she usually does.
Coldfusion = Anna Nicole Smith (had potential)
Coldfusion – Michael Jackson
Funny, the only people I’ve known recently who know Coldfusion are very young, and a little bit out of sorts…….. *cough*
Python is Arnold
ALWAYS POWERFUL TO HANDLE ANYTHING !
bjork == brainf**k
Love the CFM bit. I had to learn it for a new position and have spent the last year moving our company away from it. It is nastiness.
Keep up the good posts…you are officially on my RSS.
Amazingly funny!
The important lesson to take from all of this is at the end of the day, no matter how many fans coldfusion has, it still molests children.
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Perl is like Chuck Noris
hmm. amazing