Brandnoo. A Blog by Ben Hindmarch

An Interview with the Second Smartest Man on Earth

Apr 15th, 2008 by Ben

Michael J. Schmitz posted two comments on my last post, about celebrities and programming languages although his comments included how Paris Hilton should read his blog about climate change so she could save her hotels. His idea for solving global warming entails a fleet of boats spraying frozen saltwater and cold air on glaciers to prevent them from melting further, and perhaps returning them to a pre-global warmed state.

His comment explaining his solution is as follows, in it’s beutifully uppercased entirety:

I’M BEING INTERVIEWED BY OUR SOCIETIES FOR A BOOK FOR MY INTELLIGENCE, AS ACCORDING TO THEM I’M THE SECOND SMARTEST PERSON ON EARTH FOR US HUMANS. IF I WERE RICH, I WOULD BUY ALOT OF SHIPS AND LOAD THEM WITH HIGH POWERED REFRIGERATION UNITS AND SNOW BLOWERS. THEN I’D HIRE CREWS AND SEND THEM TO WHERE OUR GLACIERS ARE AND EACH SHIP WOULD BLAST THE GLACIERS WITH FROZEN AIR AND SALTWATER SNOW ON ALL SIDES OF THE GLACIERS 24 HOURS A DAY. MAYBE IT WOULD SLOW THE MELTING OF THE GLACIERS OR EVEN BETTER STOP THE MELTING OF THE GLACIERS. ALSO I WOULD START MY GLOBAL WARMING PROJECT BY HIRING ALL THE PEOPLE FROM EACH OF THE 12 NATIONS TRAIN THEM, EQUIPT THEM TO WORK THEIR OWN COUNTRY TO EXTRACT THE MINERAL NEEDED AND PLACE IT IN CERTAIN AREAS AROUND EARTH. SO THAT NATURE WILL RETURN TO NORMAL NATURALLY. ALL IT TAKES IS THE ONE THING I DONT HAVE, MONEY. I JUST HAVE THE BRAINS. I EMAILED THE E.P.A. AND SENT THEM A EXPERIMENT TO PROVE TO THEMSELVES AND CONGRESS THAT EXHAUST AND GASES DECIPATE BEFORE THEIR EYES. IT TAKES A GREATER ADVANCE INTELLIGENCE TO WEAKEN THE OUTER FORCEFIELD (OZONE) THAN WHAT WE HUMANS POSSESS. AS IS I’M ON MY COMPUTER TRYING TO EMAIL EVERYONE ON THE OCEANS ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT I’M ONLY A ONE FINGER TYPER. HAVE A NICE DAY. MIKE

This is intriguing stuff. I thought I’d follow up his comment and get in touch with a few questions about his idea.

Ben: Hi Mike, you said in your comment on my blog that you are the second smartest man on Earth. Congratulations! That is quite the achievement. Could you tell me how you came to be second, and if you have plans to go for first place?
Mike: Certain societies received many emails from people that consider me to be smart, i’ve been interviewed by a magazine asking for my biography and when i asked why me. i was told at first my name will be in a magazine for being one of the smartest people on earth. another society said i was the smartest man on earth and i asked how they came to that conclusion, they said very smart people from different walks of life that are well known to their society recommended me to this society. also another has tried to interview me for a book for my intelligence, but i missed the second call.

B: I’ve had a look at your idea. I think it looks great. You’ve clearly put some serious thought into this. I thought salt melted ice (that’s why people put it on their driveways when it snows), although I’m in Australia so I have very little experience of using it. Will salt really help?
M: True about salt, you may be right, but my thoughts were to say use saltwater. but in the area of the glaciers is where the fresh water is on top of the saltwater, so most of the snow would be a mix and with a frozen air blown at it and in a frozen climate, my thoughts are it’d stay frozen, also after the 30 days they would freeze the surrounding water to help keep it frozen.

B: What about the refrigerated boats? I have a refrigerator and although it’s cold on the inside it’s hot at the back. I think all of them are like this and if so where will the hot bit go on the boat so it doesn’t melt the glacier even more?
M: Refrigeration units that blast forward and if as you say heat comes out the back==the back would be away from the frozen state, but heat rises, so if your right about heat coming out the back it would rise above and not be anywhere near the glaciers.

B: I might be wrong, but I thought most glaciers are on land. Would it not be easier to take a car to them rather than go through the trouble of getting everything on a boat? Boats are expensive and more people get seasick than get carsick.
M: no- alot of glaciers are attached to continents. i’m not a expert, but if you say that were true, then why did the news from time to time in the last 4 years tell of the huge chunks that broke free. the last one was the size of one of our states.

B: Will extracting the minerals needed for your experiment not just damage the Earth further? I thought mining can be damaging too. Will it be worth it?
It’s either we extract the one type of mineral and place it in quanity where they belong or be destroyed but the storms, triple + size disasters and the heavy heat thats coming. as is our forests are burning down due to heat and lighting. later the heat will be so excrusiating that to grow food would be impossible, now and later in certain areas of earth no fresh water, hard to breathe. the way of what you call minning [sic] is different than most, but it wont hurt each area, infact it will make it better for what is left behind after extraction and if you’ll read on =for each country needed each will recieve various fresh water locations, each worked right for the next 100 years and finally if my project doesn’t go into operation, then you can hang up all life as we know it permanently. now the first step will==providing almost all coastal nations pull the sand out of the oceans it will lower the oceans and at the same time either show us the right locations needed to place the mineral or delete those areas of looking to look in rocky, corral or caves. to allow nature to return to normal naturally.
B: Thank you Mike! I wish you the best of luck emailing the oceans with your idea. I think even if your idea doesn’t get the attention it deserves your heart is definitely in the right place.
M: CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR. CAN YOU EMAIL MY LINK AND MY URL TO OTHER NATIONS ALSO ANYTHING YOU THINK IS RIGHT. I’D APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH. I’M A ONE FINGER INEXPERIENCED COMPUTER PERSON. THANK YOU. MIKE